Christene's Story
In my job as a social worker at Hope Services, each day I work with birth parents feels like a privilege. I am humbled each time I meet with a new birth parent; to see the challenges and struggles they face and eventually overcome.
I placed my first baby for adoption 17 years ago and now I’m raising a 4 year-old daughter as a single mom. I thought I had experienced difficult times but I continue to be taught even more by women who have taken the hard path.
To the women who are sharing their stories to the public through their growing belly. I say “Way to go girl!” These women could have decided to conceal their pregnancy by terminating it. In a world inundated with messages that say: “It’s all about me”, let’s celebrate the fact that a woman has chosen life and is putting her child first. I think it is time that a woman with an untimely pregnancy, feels free to enjoy and cherish her pregnancy and labour; to celebrate the birth of a God-given life; the gift of a wonderful child.
I feel so honoured to be part of one of the biggest days of many parent’s lives. The days of a placement are bitter sweet for us as birth parents. We celebrate the wonderful life that God has given and grieve the incredible loss through adoption after a placement. Our tears remind us that we are human and that life will go on. Our grief process usually ebbs and flows and eventually we can come to a place of acceptance. I have finally made it to acceptance and am here at the end to say that I couldn’t have made a better decision for my daughter 17 years ago. The wonderful parents of my daughter have opened their family to my 4 year-old and me. My youngest just loves playing with her older sister. Each time I see them together I thank God for the incredible people through Hope Services that supported me during my unplanned pregnancy. I now feel that the circle is almost complete by being blessed with one of the best jobs in the world and the opportunity to give back some of what I received. Thank you God for this incredible opportunity.
Given that I am relatively new to Hope as an employee, given its 20 plus year history, I haven’t had an opportunity to meet nearly all of the women and men who have passed through our doors over the years. I’d love to hear from you and encourage you to drop by, call, e-mail, or write. I’m encouraged each time a birth parent drops by and shares her story of adoption. We are all so different and yet have such a similar significant event in our lives. Please come in and tell me yours.
Blessings to you all,
Christene
Marilu’s Story
My heart is closely knit to both birth parents and adoptive parents as I wear both hats in my own personal life.
At the age of 16, I gave birth to a girl whom I placed for adoption. During my pregnancy I attended a school for unwed pregnant teens and was able to continue my education and did have some support within that circle. My parents were not in a position to be able to be supportive of my parenting and therefore it was not an option to bring baby home.
I struggled with the decision to place her for adoption. I left the hospital broken and undecided as I so much wanted to find a way to parent my child. She was placed in foster care while I came to terms with making this difficult decision. I was with the birthfather at the time, and he was supportive either way I went. I knew it was an unhealthy relationship with him as he struggled with addictions and I did not want that lifestyle for my child. I knew I would really be on my own and there was no other means of support so I had to face the fact that I could not give my child all that I wanted her to have in life.
I felt I had little support during the pregnancy, as far as working through the process, and even less after I placed her for adoption. It was a totally closed adoption and I was simply told that I should forget her and move on with my life. But the love I had for her never left me, and I never did forget. It wasn’t talked about within my family or friends, but she was always there. Grief and pain were hidden away inside me since it wasn’t something that was to be talked about. After I signed the papers, I felt like the rug was pulled out from under my feet when I needed it the most. For so long, I felt like no one understood me!
When my birth daughter was two years old, I met someone who did understand what it means to sacrifice a child out of love. God stepped in and did some wonderful healing in my heart. He showed me that He knew first hand about sacrificial love. Jesus said, speaking of himself “Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down his life for one he loves. “ John 15:13
Life’s bumps in the road were not over, however. I discovered the pain of secondary infertility. After 4 years of trying for a child, I had 5 ectopic (tubal) pregnancies. Grief and loss became more real to me all the time.
I never had another child biologically...But our children did finally come to us, as babies, through international adoption. We adopted twins from Guatemala, a boy and girl born in 1985. Our youngest son was born in Mexico in 1987 and we adopted him when he was two weeks old.
Until I connected with Hope Services, I never knew Open Adoption existed or about the benefits it can bring. The concept was totally foreign to me as it was not practiced at all within my personal life. When I first heard about Open Adoption, I quickly saw the benefits it would have brought to my own life as a birth mother and to the lives of my adopted children. I am glad to now be part of a team that believes in Open Adoption and promotes things that were lacking in my own adoption experiences.
When my birth daughter was 21 I met her and it was a great relief just to know she was alive. I am thankful to know she is doing well in her life. We hope to locate our children’s biological parents some day and enable them to get to know their roots.